**Mustard Seed Distributed**

2012 is nearly through, and if you are a Mayan believer, the world should end in a couple hours from now.  So if that is true - whoever reads this would be a post apocalyptic survivor?  Or something like that.  But I digress.  My work situation continues to be in flux.  I have been given a letter by my employer basically saying thank you so much for all your work, come June,  we won't be needing you anymore.  You can forgive my paraphrasing, and if this were for adults only, I may insert some choice language here.  A pretty hard blow to your psyche when you bust your arse - literally and figuratively - for a company, get feedback that you are really doing great things from several avenues, and then be put in the milk closet (no, really, I work in a milk closet) and handed the letter.  Funny thing is, I am so very comfortable with that right now.  Yes, I have astronomical rent to pay.  Yes, my two daughters will be in an i...

If you read my post yesterday, I know what you might be thinking.  What's up with Mr. Negativity Pants?  Well, this post is to counteract your thinking.  I pointed out that trust - I feel - is not something I am struggling with.  I completely trust that God is doing a continuous work in me.  And believe you me (why do people say that?), I need continuous work.  As I fumbled around the dark room yesterday (last week?  Last month?  Last two months?), I received an email about moving forward.  It is honestly something I have been in continuous prayer about with a few others for a couple of months.  And it is good.  I don't know clearly the outcome.  I don't know clearly God's plan in this.  But I do know that Jesus is with me in this.  The last several days in my quiet time, God has pointed that out to me.  Overwhelmed me with the fact that I am not alone in this dark room.  That soon, there will be light, and...

Five years seems to be a long time.  Really.  If you pay attention at home, you know I have been now keeping this blog 5.0 years.  And as I glimpse back at the last four 'blogiversary' posts, trust is the pattern of choice apparently in my posts, my life, my world.  And here I am today, sitting in Bed-Stuy, not sure what will come of this career path, this journey, or the next step.  And it is hard.  It sucks.  I was in a position at work that was bringing me much joy, and that alleviated a lot of anxiety or troubles in my heart, my mind, my spirit.  But this current state - it is a challenge to find the joy.  I am joyful that Jesus is my king.  Outside of that, and the enjoyment of travelling through the city to get here each day, and the people I get to come in contact with, it flat out sucks.  But my trust does not waiver.  Through Him all things are possible.  I can't do anything outside of Him guiding my words. ...

Thanksgiving.  Such a big word.  What flood of memories washes into your head as you hear it?  Warm fire. Smell of the turkey cooking.  Laughter.  Football.  Snowflakes.  Family.  Friends.  Being thankful.  I suppose I am getting older.  Well, I dare say I am not just supposing anymore.  I am getting older.  And life seems to take on new meaning as you get older.  You appreciate things more, or should I say you appreciate people more.  I honestly can tell you that I have at one point or another dreaded the continuous trips back to MI to be with our family for the holidays.  Not because I don't want to be with them in any way shape form.  But the hours in the car.  Dreadful at times.  I love the time with my girls, but it just isn't fun.  But I digress.  This year, my Uncle Danny passed away, and the funeral was Saturday.  Friday at the funeral home.  And I was deeply convi...

I am trying to discern some things in my life right now, and clarity is not the word that comes to mind.  But I do know that God continues to push me on 'trust', and 'serving'.  These two things continue to be in the front of my mind, and yet the 'serving' part seems to be the most challenging.  In my current role, I feel like I am finally settling into understanding I am here to serve.  But there are moments when I flat out don't have a desire in my heart to serve.  I want to go sit in my milk closet (yes, the one where my laptop was stolen from the locked office) and spend time searching for a new job.  Honest - that is the desire of my heart at times.  But I have been simply crying out to God asking for Him to put His desire in my heart, and to help me want to do things He has put before me in this role.  It is frustrating, but I can see clearly that He is sustaining me, and even opening my heart and eyes to shut up and do what He asks me - to...

Trust.  What a big word that is.  Only five letters,  but such a big word.  This week, I was able to spend some time with my new peeps and get to know them a bit.  I was also able to spend a big chunk of time reflecting on life, my current employment status, and my relationship with God.  I was able to take a run each day, and pictured here is a photo of a path I took during a couple days of running.  I felt like God reminded me that 'this is the path I have for you'.  It has been several years of transition moving from MI to NYC, and the path has always been interesting.  Communitasnyc has been a tremendous piece of this journey, and I pondered that as I ran along this path.  If it weren't for joining the communitas journey, I would not be where I am today in my trust with God.  Each layer of the onion I peel in my trust, He reveals to me just what He is able to do in my life.  I don't get rewarded with the lottery (althoug...

It is a challenge to do a job that is not particularly enjoyable.  Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the interaction with many, and hope that somehow I can make a difference.  But knowing just how good something could be, and seeing that others are not willing to a) work to that end, b) admit that things are not as could as they could be, and c) allowing mediocrity is perhaps the most bothersome to me.  I have resigned myself to not owning all of that.  I can only do what I can do - my role is not one where I might be allowed to own that mediocrity - nor am I in a position to change that condition.  Did I mention that is a challenge?  Personally, I am struggling.  The moments I am engaged with people one on one - it is good.  But the moments I am exposed to the sheer madness of the rest = Suckville.  I wish I was the mayor of Suckville, because then maybe I could do something about it.  But for now, I will commit to engaging with people...

Well, after much time in the gym, and specific tasks, I am once again running.  Yesterday, 6.61 miles in Prospect Park felt absolutely wonderful.  A big part of the running that I do is spent in prayer.  Praying for others, praying for my family, praying that God open my eyes to what I need to see, hear, know.  This has become sacred time for me - something I desperately need.  And without running, I have missed the intimate time with God - walking and praying just doesn't seem to fit the need I have - it works, just doesn't seem the same experience.  As I ran yesterday, I prayed for my now teenage daughter (yes, it is true, I am officially now old).  She is becoming such a beautiful young woman.  By that I don't mean cute, although she certainly is pretty.  I mean inside - her character.  God shows me her beauty in ways I only hoped she might develop, and it is good.  Thanks much to Superstar and the specific work she does to pour...

I suppose I am getting older.  I can't remember things anymore.  I don't remember what I have blogged and what I have not completely.  There are times I have a blog post topic, and then I never get to post it, but in my mind I think I had.  So bear with me as I get older.  Speaking of getting older, I tore my ACL in May.  Tweeked again in July.  Playing Ultimate Frisbee the first time, turning quickly the second.  I am not in my 20's anymore as my body reminds me periodically.  And that is ok.  I am enjoying getting older.  I really am.  The other night I got together with a couple of friends in the BKLY - friends I used to work a summer camp with - um, yeah - in 1992.  One of them I had literally not seen in over 20 years.  So back to the ACL.  Hocus Pocus you're off focus.  I have been happy to be in physical therapy for the last month.  I lost quite a bit of muscle in not using my knee after the inj...

I am not going to lie to you - the transition back to NYC this fall was the most challenging so far.  I am convinced that hitting the 'easy' button - i.e. returning to the suburbia life in Michigan - for July was part of that difficulty.  It is hard to live a life of comfort and ease and self-serving behaviors in a most luxurious and comfortable environment for nearly a month, and then return to the streets of Brooklyn.  I didn't want to engage with serving others first.  I kind of enjoyed serving myself for a while.  But the more time I spend walking around this place, the more I am reminded of why we are here on earth as followers of Jesus.  To lay down our lives and serve others first.  This is no small task.  As a matter of fact, I don't truly think it is possible to do.  Unless of course, we press into that which Jesus calls us to do - to rely on Him.  To trust that He knows what is best, to trust that His perfect limitless will fo...

Bristol, TN Well, it has been a month that I have not blogged.  Not to say that I haven't had thoughts to, or topics to, or what have you.  Truth be told, if I am not blogging regularly, there may well be some kind of correlation between that and my relationship with God.  As I meander off His path, I have less to consider in my mind and my spirit - hit the easy button and get on with your self.  But that is not so good for me.  Just sayin.  But this past weekend I got a chance to go to the night race in Bristol.  I did enjoy my time with D & D - and it was really an unbelievable experience.  And as I sat in the stands Saturday night in the mountains with 160,000 or so of my closest friends, I felt like God was reminding me of just how very good He is.  And that He wants me to experience the goodness of His riches and glory.  He wants all of us to.  And our personal pleasure and satisfaction in the way we pursue it may not ...

Well, it has been a month.  Unplugged.  Unchecked.  Not completely true that I was unplugged.  I actually worked quite a bit in July, but we did manage much joy.  Spent the month in the great state of Michigan.  Pure Michigan as they say.  Not sure what makes the smell of Detroit pure to others, but whatever floats on a great lake I suppose.  The month was great.  Enjoyed family time with all the cousins, bros, sisses, in-laws, out-laws, friends, etc.  Good times.  Even got our Cedar Point/Maples Motel trip in, and got to hang with Izzorama on some great kids rides.  She drove me in the pink monster truck you know.  It is nice to unplug from this city, take some deep breaths, renew, recharge, and reenergize.  Truth be told, I was getting a bit antsy to return.  It is hard not sleeping in your own bed and your own apartment for a month.  But as I drove down I-80/95 toward the city, I was reminded of God's ca...

Sixteen years ago today, in the great state of Michigan, it was 99 degrees outside.  (Or thereabouts) Hottest day of the year they say.  And it was a glorious day.  People always told me "you never forget your wedding day", and I never really knew what they were saying.  But today, 16 years later, I can remember nearly every minute detail of the day.  And included in each of those moments is a sense of pure joy.  You may know that I am somewhat of a dreamer, a visionary type if you will.  I have come to learn that this is what drives me to lead others, and pushes me to be my best at work, at home, and in my life.  I knew for certain I wanted to be with my superstar - early.  I had inclings along the way, but in 1992, I pushed for it.  In 1993 we had our first date, and the rest, as they say, is history.  This incredible Godly woman has changed my life in ways I never saw coming in my visionary picture of us being together.  ...

I mentioned in my last post that much time transpired between blogs - and one reason that was happening was because I felt uncommitted to writing a blog as I pondered many 'unknowns'.  I have come to a great realization that I personally enjoy the visionary lifestyle.  I want to see what things will look like way down the road.  I want to see my daughters in successful lives married to great Godly men, my marriage with superstar 10 years from now even more beautiful than today, my work broadening and seeing what and how I might be impacting and influencing leaders of schools, etc.  But this week I was encouraged by God and others to focus on today.  This moment.  God is quite comfortable with all those unknowns, and he wants me to be too.  Pastor (female, not male) reminded me yesterday that this is a trust issue.  Do I truly trust God with all the unknowns?  My answer must be - not so much.  I do know I trust Him completely, but time...

Hard to believe it has been over a month with no posting for me. I have had so many thoughts of 'oh, I need to blog that', or 'that is a blog post', or what eVAR. Truth be told, I have been lazy about it. I know, I know. Hard to believe. A lot has passed since then. I traveled 5 of 6 weeks in April/May, and that probably has a lot to do with no posting. Just didn't have the energy, and the time I did have I wanted to spend with the kkft or I knew that God was pushing me to engage with people - not myself. A lot going on: 1) I have a new supervisor, and our company is ramping up leadership development. This is a good thing in my eyes, and I have a lot of respect for our new boss. Also means that the Aussie and I are still on the same team - thank you God for a gift of another year working together. Also have another person joining our team - and she is awesome as well. I find it quite interesting that everyone on our new team is a Jesus follower. I wonde...

I often have made connections between my physical training and spiritual training. The more time I spend 'training' my body, the more I realize just how much I enjoy it. Much like my own spiritual development - the more time I spend doing it - the more I enjoy it, crave it, need it. Today, I was fortunate enough to run through Prospect Park and as I run these days I typically enjoy music, but it is also for the most part spending time with God. Praying for others. For my family. For me. (PS-27.6 miles in the last six days) And sometimes as I run, I feel like God reveals things to me that I need to see/hear/experience. Today was one of those days. If you look at the photo of the Park - you will get an idea of where I am when I tweet/blog about the park. It is a five minute walk from our apartment. (See photo) If you look at the photo, you can kind of see the 'circular' road that loops the park. The 'loop' as people say, is about 3.3 miles, and most ...

Once again in my life, there are so many unknowns that seem to unfold one after another. One after another. Unfolding. Unknown. It appears that my current role (which in case you live in a cave, I do love) is good through summer 2013. Beyond that - not sure really. But what a blessing. To know that I am ok here for another year. Thank you God for that blessing. To know for a year I can pour into what I am doing, try to help those I come in contact with, serve others in this role to the best of my ability. Very cool. But the uncertainty is sometimes daunting. I like to know the long-term plan. I like to have a vision of the future. And so many things in our lives seem to only be refined to short term knowledge. (That is a very profound statement - even if you can't feel the weight in this blog) But as I ran Saturday in the park (insert another blessing) I wrestled again with this challenge of short term knowledge. And the words of a song I listened to challenged me. ...

I am currently reading a book "Hole in our Gospel" by Richard Stearns. It certainly is a challenge to work through - I am truly open to learning what God wants me to learn through this text. I started it on my way to India, and it has sat for weeks. Part of me wants to just not work and read it to the end. Another part, to put it back on the shelf. I feel I have some things in common with Stearns. One thing being this - I would not be the man I am today if it weren't for my wife, my superstar. I would not have spent years pushing into what it really means to follow Jesus. And I am thankful for this gift from God. She is beautiful. Did I mention steaming hot? She is a woman of God. She self admittedly has her faults that God continues to refine. But she is open to His teaching, and I learn from her each week. I praise God for her. Amen. Back to the book. This is one thing I have learned from the book - check that - was reminded of by the book. I already k...

Over the last several months, I have felt as if God was leading me to perhaps another job with another company/school system. I had initially been told that my position was only good through summer 2012, and that was the beginning of a search. I made it through several layers of interviews with several different opportunities. One led a good friend's daughter to enter the lottery for a school, in which she won a seat for next year. But I didn't get that position. I wonder if that was simply God's hand in leading this great young lady and family to a higher quality school. If that is true, I celebrate the mystery of how God works when you are open to listening to His promptings. Another opportunity resulted in a closed door, but I am actually going to have lunch with the HR person as she wants to pick my brain on leadership development. I am uncertain what will happen through that conversation, but I was not selected for that position. Finally, another opportunity c...

I have been well pleased with life as of late. My life is something to celebrate. God has given me the best wife in the world. I am blown away each day with how she lives her life. God has been pressing into me 'SERVE' for a few months now, and I am still not really clear why He continuously gives me this message. Boy, that sentence sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it? I know God wants us to serve. He wants us to serve Him first. He wants us to then serve others. Before doing any kind of serving of our own needs and desires. And my superstar is a model of that. She serves from the moment she wakes until the moment she lays down. Or maybe until it is time to have ice cream? And God reminded me yesterday that superstar is a good model to follow. That I should be serving others before I get to my needs. And yet, yesterday I felt like Satan was tricking me into thinking my needs and desires should come first. With a lot of unknown in jobs and what is going on with ...

I sit in Brooklyn. Awaiting my trip to MI this evening. I get to spend some quality work time with the Aussie this week - I know if you follow this, you might be sick of me talking about him. But the truth is, he has been a light to me over the last couple of years. He is truly one of the greatest friends I have ever had in my life, and I am 100% certain that God brought us together for something - perhaps mutual blessings. As we both are uncertain of what might transpire the next few weeks, the next few months, the next several years, we often try to speak truth into each others' lives, and share in our joys and our sorrows. I truly can't tell you where I might be emotionally or spiritually if he wasn't part of my life for the last few years. I am thankful that I have had time to learn from him, to grow with him, to be challenged and affirmed by him. All of our interactions have made me a stronger man. This week, I spoke at communitas about 'life in the spirit...

There is much going on in the life and times of T$ to be sure. I still take time each day to reflect upon our time in Dowlaiswaram, India, and continue to press into things I feel God is moving in my heart, mind, spirit. And I am thankful for that processing. But He has been moving in my life for a few months now on another front. My nets. Listened to a great weekend full of teaching from Tim Keller and Joe Stowell and my mind continues to chew on the words of Joe Stowell. He talked about Simon and Andrew, and how they immediately dropped their nets to follow the invitation of partnership to go down the path with Jesus. The last few years have taught me so much about what my nets are. Think of the life of a fisherman - and just what the nets mean. Without the nets, there is no livlihood. You couldn't do the work. I have had several nets that I have not been willing to let go of in my lifetime in trying to really follow Jesus. Let's be honest - I have nets I DON'...

It has been a whirlwind couple of weeks for me. Trying to get ahead of the curve at work so that I would be well prepared to go to India. Going to India. Returning from trip, leaving three days later to travel for work. Arrive home. Unpack suitcase, repack suitcase, travel to DC for men's retreat. All whilst trying to catch up to myself and my time change in travel, etc. But I am well pleased with all of this because I really sense that God is trying to teach me a big lesson here as of late. So I leave the hotel in the 'free time' this afternoon to go for a run. What a beautiful day in the 60's here, a trail along the river, flowers in bloom as spring always hits DC early it seems. And I have been hearing God tell me to serve in many quiet times over several months. Serve. Serving. Serve the least of these. Serve me. Server others first. Others. Serve. And my lesson with Amanopu taught me serving on a whole new level. But the word "threat" ke...

Well, two days into my reentry into the culture of NYC. A lot going on right now in the world of T$, certainly. Actually more than a lot if that is possible. God continues to stir in my learnings from our trip to India. Let me first say that I couldn't be more proud of my daughter Allison. She is a beautiful young lady - frightening that I am saying that about my baby that was just saying things like "look at my fafe daddy, my fafe" - which is how she used to pronounce face. Now, she is becoming more and more of an adult in her modality. And I couldn't be more proud of who God has created her to be. I so much enjoyed every moment with her from the time we arrived at JFK (TAM airlines) to the moment we walked in the door with the entire KKFT. We have many laughs that we continue to share in. But the moments there in India were sweet. She is wise beyond her years, and many of the team members commented to me about her maturity level, how they were impressed w...

For some reason, God has been drilling the word serve into me for several months. Go. Serve. That's what I keep hearing him tell me. I haven't quite figured out what is the key point He is trying to make to me that I know of. I haven't always led my life to serve others. Just ask superstar. But I would say that I have continued to grow in this area personally, professionally, etc. But thinking back to what I have been writing in my journal, serve is a word that I continue to write down. I knew that a big part of this trip to India was about serving 'the least of these'. That is what Jesus commanded us to do - widows and orphans. Here at CEM, I am having opportunities to serve both of these groups of people. Orphans live here - and we are able to spend time with them, play, walk them to school, share in chapel, and whatever else comes our way. There is also an elderly home here, and there are 12 people that live ther. I have to tell you, I have spent mu...

So my days are beginning to run together, and the timelines in my brain are blurry after being on the ground at CEM for three days or has it been four? Either way, let's just say that one day in India is like ten years. That is a pretty good description of what reality is like here. Pastor said that sandrews said that on a trip here many years ago, and I was shocked by just how accurate of a statement that was. A day here can bring life events that you might be exposed to once in ten years living the way we live in the US of A. Here, life is hard. No matter what. As we drove to a 'village church' yesterday, we were what one team member describes as 'in the boonies.' (What does that mean exactly?) We saw things that I don't even know if I would have seen in 10 years living in the US. Men harvesting sugar cane and loading it on trucks. That sounds like a very simple sentence, and a very simple thing to do. But when it is in the upper 90's, and ther...

Oh the joy of being here. I have laughed much in the last few days, some of it being sleep deprivation psychoses, some of it sheer joy, some of it situational comedy. Anyway that you look at it, I have laughed much. Between doing the chicken dance with Indian children, to sharing suckers with the elderly and watching their faces light up, sharing my sunglasses with the MTS students, or just laughing with Alli over silly things that happen. Joy. But this post is following up on your homework. Did you do it? I told you you had pre-reading from the last post. Ephesians 2 - pastor used it at the opening of the church here on campus at CEM. And it appeared that God was talking to me directly. If you read my post about my life token, you have an idea about what I was trying to leave behind - the old way of living my life the way I wanted. As the message version says in Ephesians 2: "You let the world, which doesn't know the firs thing about living, tell you how to live....

Here I sit on the rooftop in Dowlaiswaram, India. Approximately 7800 miles from home. So many things that I could share about this trip, and I am only a bit over 24 hours into my stay here at CEM. I didn't even mind any of the travel at all, save the 7 hour layover in Mumbai. That sucked butt. Just sayin. But part of that travel was one of my favorite bits so far. Sitting on a bus, open windows, travelling the streets of India. Many memories flashed before me of my time in Ecuador. Horns honking. Crazy driving. People walking on tbe streets, bikes, motorcylcles, water buffalo, pigs, dogs, whatever. And the people. It is a hard life here in India for the people. And it is dirty. Beyond what you would imagine as the norm. The open sewers aren't immediately what you see, but you certainly do smell it. And when you walk around, you might see somewhat of a 'back up' in different places. Piles of garbage and other things. And you think to yourself - how can...

I am truly amazed at something that God has changed in my life. I have been preparing to leave for India with Alli on our trip (t minus 28.5 hours) and one of the tasks we are asked to do is bring a life token with us that we will leave in India and give to God. I have known many of the people that have participated in this trip in the past, and have enjoyed learning about their life tokens and their experiences in going through this task. Attached is what I am taking as a life token (see photo). I could not come up with an object that helps to communicate where I am and what I would like to express to God as thanks. But I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of months reflecting on what God has really done in my heart and in my life. I have been meeting my new year's resolution of reading my bible and journaling every day - and that has really allowed me an opportunity to think about what God is trying to teach me and where I am today. But if I take the time now...

In 7 days, Alli and I will be boarding a plane on our way to India. It hit me yesterday pretty hard. The trip has seemed so far off for a long time now. Off in the future. Way off in the future. Now it is next week that we leave. I am excited to share in this journey with pastors both and alli. I know this has the potential to change our lives. To change the course of others' lives. I know that I need to expect extreme poverty, overwhelming things that I may not necessarily see here in the states. I know that God will be with us in serving the underserved. But the thing that blows me away is the amount of support = financial and prayer = that we have already experienced. As of yesterday, Alli and I have raised enough support to meet our goal for the trip. That overwhelmed me yesterday. To see God's provision for us to be able to do this. I am thankful to each of you that are partnering with us in this mission trip. It is not just for us to be faithful, but for e...

In the past, you may have read things on MSD where I make correlations between my exercise and my body, and exercising my spirtual self and God. (Spoiler alert) This is one of those kinds of posts. I mentioned earlier this month that a NYR was to read my bible and journal each day, and yes, I am still on track with that goal. I don't think I mentioned, however, the other NYR I set for myself - to run 10 miles. If you have known me for a few years, and haven't spoken to me or hung around me in the last few years, that might even make you chuckle. "Yeah, right. T$? 10 miles? HA!" seems like a possible reaction. Especially if you take a look at the former 'Fat T$' pic in this post (as the pastor likes to call me in these older photos). But Saturday I ran 10.38 miles in 2:02. I know, not a blazing pace, but that is ok, I have learned that I am a slow runner. More of a jogger really that a runner. But I was proud of myself for accomplishing a 2012 g...

I am doing pretty well with one of my NYR goals this year - to read my bible and journal every day of twenty twelve. I know, you're thinking - 'hey that's great T$, but we're not even two weeks in'. I know. Humility. But I am excited as I press into the word each day and spend time engaging with God, and hopefully hearing things that I need to hear to grow in our relationship, and grow in understanding what I am on this earth to do each day. Trust has been a regular theme that continues to evolve in my conversations with God, and certainly in this time, I need to continue to trust Him more with more of my life. It is greatly rewarding personally to let all of the anxiety of life go, and allow Him to give me the peace Paul describes in Phillipians 4:7: And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus . But we are looking at HOPE at communitasnyc as of late, and I had somewhat of a revelation th...