Middle of the Storm

2012 is nearly through, and if you are a Mayan believer, the world should end in a couple hours from now.  So if that is true - whoever reads this would be a post apocalyptic survivor?  Or something like that.  But I digress.  My work situation continues to be in flux.  I have been given a letter by my employer basically saying thank you so much for all your work, come June,  we won't be needing you anymore.  You can forgive my paraphrasing, and if this were for adults only, I may insert some choice language here.  A pretty hard blow to your psyche when you bust your arse - literally and figuratively - for a company, get feedback that you are really doing great things from several avenues, and then be put in the milk closet (no, really, I work in a milk closet) and handed the letter.  Funny thing is, I am so very comfortable with that right now.  Yes, I have astronomical rent to pay.  Yes, my two daughters will be in an incredible school in our neighborhood next year.  Yes, we continue to try to serve our church community in every way we feel led.  And all of those things could be whisked away from us in six months.  And the peace I have about that is nearly comical.  Of course there are days where I am a bit pissed about it all, as the pieces of the puzzle do not go together.  Some of this makes absolutely NO sense.  However, I look back over the last 5 years of our lives, and see the things God has done that I never would have expected.  Never would have guessed.  Never even had an idea of how this or that would be a blessing.  And here I am.  In the milk closet.  Happy. Elated, really.  That the God of Hebrews 11 is my God.  And He is so very good.  I continue to learn what it means to lean on His providence.  I can't do what I am doing right now.  It sucks.  A lot.  But each day, I look to Him to guide my mouth.  My thoughts.  My actions.  And sometimes, quite frankly, I sit in my milk closet and ignore the world - don't even want to leave this hole to engage in the world - and the most difficult work there is to do here.  But when I do, I know He is with me.  He sits at my desk and comforts me.  He gives me strength.  Hope.  He serves me.  The one who does not deserve the service.  Part of me hopes the Mayans were right - as if the world ends, I know I am going to be with our creator when it all ends.  Oh what glorious times we will have in His milk closet.  But for today, I have no idea (is this record skipping?) where I will be working, where we will be living, what school my daughters will go to, or what I might be engaged in in six months.  And the peace in that is unreal.  I posted on my twitter the other day "The most peaceful calming thing I have ever done in my life...." - and that is selling our crap and moving to Brooklyn.  As I cleaned our apt. after our small group get together, I couldn't help but wander in my thoughts - would I be cleaning this apartment 7 months from now?  No idea.  But I am feeling the peace and calm during the middle of this storm.  And I praise Him.

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