Blogiversary 5.0

Five years seems to be a long time.  Really.  If you pay attention at home, you know I have been now keeping this blog 5.0 years.  And as I glimpse back at the last four 'blogiversary' posts, trust is the pattern of choice apparently in my posts, my life, my world.  And here I am today, sitting in Bed-Stuy, not sure what will come of this career path, this journey, or the next step.  And it is hard.  It sucks.  I was in a position at work that was bringing me much joy, and that alleviated a lot of anxiety or troubles in my heart, my mind, my spirit.  But this current state - it is a challenge to find the joy.  I am joyful that Jesus is my king.  Outside of that, and the enjoyment of travelling through the city to get here each day, and the people I get to come in contact with, it flat out sucks.  But my trust does not waiver.  Through Him all things are possible.  I can't do anything outside of Him guiding my words.  My steps.  My interactions.  And I sit in the palm of his hand.  Sobbing perhaps.  Trouble lifting my head to even see where to go.  But I am in His palm.  I know what is true.  I know what is right.  But this current moment, I feel like when I escape this world in my heart, my mind, my spirit, I can resonate in His palm.  But when the world around me interrupts those moments (insert need to work and pay rent and buy food for the kkft) - I feel like I am in a dark room.  No light.  Not sure what I am going to stumble on.  Not sure which way to find the door.  A window?  Someone else to help me?  I pray Lord for you to nourish me in these moments.  To bare your will to me in this darkness so I might see what I need to do.  

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