**Mustard Seed Distributed**

Tomorrow marks one year since my mom passed away. If she were still alive, she would never let me post this picture of her for the world to see, but to me, it holds all the beauty in the world. Losing your mom is like a gigantic punch in the gut (or a bit lower) - as a parallel to life, it takes your breath away. It is hard to breathe. It hurts, but you can hardly say anything. To me, the last year has brought me joy and sorrow. There are times where very strange things will bring my mom to the front of my mind, the front of my heart, even in my face. Sometimes those moments bring me sheer joy. Thinking of silly things like her laugh that would always warm my heart - even if it was the stupidest thing that her and Lizzy or the other aunties or club would get to tears on. Joy. And also sorrow. Hearing a voice that sounds similar to my mom's - and the sorrow that comes in that moment when the true reality of the fact that I will not hear her precious voice again. True

It is hard for me to say some of the things I am about to say. Not to myself, not to my close and dearest friends, but to the world. I suck. I am a sinner. I choose to do things that are wrong. Why do we do these things? Why if we know in our hearts and our minds and our spirits and all our souls what is right and magnificent and good do we choose to purposefully do the wrong thing? Sin is a vicious thing that breaks us down, hurts us, hurts those around us, builds walls, creates angst, punishes, and creates darkness in this world. Superstar and I have been away from each other (save the 7 minute driving loop around LGA we spent last Saturday as she picked me up from the airport, and I in turn dropped her off to go on her trip to spend some time with her mom and her dad who just had triple bypass surgery) for nearly two weeks now. That is a long time. I'm just sayin. The cravings of our human body are strong. And I am not going to lie, I am craving. Living in NYC, the