I apologize, but it will never be enough.
Unprecedented. Never seen before. Nothing like this has ever happened. Unbelievable. These are things I have heard people say recently. Have you heard people saying these types of things? Asking for a friend.
Covid 19 Pandemic
80% of the world on stay home/lock-down
Nearly all businesses closed for months
Education system in this country forced into a virtual environment without preparation
George Floyd murdered for the world to see
Riots/Looting across the country
Divisive Hatred encouraged by our own president
If you haven't heard any of the comments I started with, the current events I pose may remind you that the statements are common today.
Let me start with this: I am a white man that learned to be a racist being raised in America. I can point to the people and places I learned this from: family (pains me to say that first), friends, colleagues, peer groups, media sources, textbooks, teachers (that one hurts too), curriculum, literature, movies, music, art, economics, public education, politics, shall I go on? If those aren't enough proof of societal racist tendencies in this country, don't know if you are willing to have real conversations about this. Growing up, I the small rural school system I attended had a very small percentage of black students/families. Mostly farmland, country folk = WHITE people. I can't recall any other ethnicity present in my k-12 experience. Even though I learned how to be a young white man in this country ("we run the show" mentality?), I enjoyed learning about other cultures, countries, heck even regions/cities in the US I enjoyed learning about. I wonder why God put that in me at a young age. I recall going to local festivals, church fairs, etc., and listening to a performer "Pixie Wales". That wasn't her real name, just her stage name. She was black. She had three sons I think - but when I was in middle/high school, only one of them was at home - JW we'll call him, and I would say that he and I were pretty good friends. We both liked football and sports. Not only would we go to see his mom perform on the regular, his father was also our family's insurance agent. I think that's how I met JW - back then you didn't get insurance online, you met with an agent - and in this situation we went to their house to handle this business. But those memories are distant and a bit fuzzy. He was a year younger than me, so maybe we didn't know each other in elementary school because of that. We would sleep over each other's house, go to fairs to see his mom, mostly I recall laughing at whatever stupid thing we were saying/doing. Joy. We experienced joy together in many situations. But I am ashamed to tell you that when I was a sophomore in HS - he was a freshman - we played together on the JV football team. I was one of the captains, and a center on offense, linebacker on defense. He was a backup quarterback, so we often 'took snaps' and worked together in the defensive backfield. Our pre-practice routine was finish school, get our equipment on, and then stand outside waiting for our coach to come out and start practice. Someone threw the ball out as if we were doing a fumble drill - practice jumping on the ball, curling up to protect it from your opponents. When that happened, I opened my mouth and said "n.... pile". This was a term that meant you jump on the guy with the ball - EVERYONE jump on him and squish the guy at the bottom of the pile. I learned this term growing up with my "friends". It was said/happened many times when someone dropped a ball, whatever. That day, JW was standing right next to me as we joked waiting for practice. When I said it, of course many whiteys jumped on the guy that got to the ball first. Not me. I saw JW's face. His eyes. Just looking at me. I could see the hurt I had just inflicted on my friend. My FRIEND. He didn't say a word. Nor did anyone else. He continued to look me in the eye, and slowly walked away from the group back into the school. I hope that JW knows I didn't even realize what I had said - that as a white male growing up in this culture, I was not educated on the word, I was not taught the truth about African Americans as a powerful group of human beings that God created for HIS purpose. I was not taught the truth about the constitution of the United States of America - that "all men are created equal". I was taught white people are more important, smarter, harder working, and so many other things - without a written curriculum with assessments. So JW, if you are reading this, I apologize. But I know that will never be enough. I can never take away the oppression of African Americans for hundreds of years. I can never switch the scales of injustice that continue to thrive in this country. I can never fully understand how the words and actions of white men perpetuate this oppression. I won't lie and tell you that word did not come out of my mouth after that event, it didn't.
I do know that God did call me to urban environments for over a decade now. I have learned so much about African Americans. Yesterday I described the "soul" of the black community is something I continue to learn about. Not just the music. Not just the food. The people. Incredible, hard-working, caring, compassionate people. And I continue to grow my affinity for black people and their "soul". If I had to choose between every day for the rest of my life with whites or blacks - JW and I would experience the joy of that soul. And it would fill my soul as well. White people can never understand the complexity of living as a black man or woman in this country. Never. However, as a friend and I discussed just this morning - our white kids are already on that road to stopping the injustices in so many ways. My 18 year old daughter has marched, stood on a corner with a sign as a way of standing up. When I was about her age, I was perpetuating oppression. Thank you God for breaking the chain that I used to hold tight to as a white male. I pray that each of us white folk continue to stand with our brothers and sisters and have real conversations about reality, and stand up to the white system that has perpetuated injustice since this country began. Pray with me. Please.
Covid 19 Pandemic
80% of the world on stay home/lock-down
Nearly all businesses closed for months
Education system in this country forced into a virtual environment without preparation
George Floyd murdered for the world to see
Riots/Looting across the country
Divisive Hatred encouraged by our own president
If you haven't heard any of the comments I started with, the current events I pose may remind you that the statements are common today.
Let me start with this: I am a white man that learned to be a racist being raised in America. I can point to the people and places I learned this from: family (pains me to say that first), friends, colleagues, peer groups, media sources, textbooks, teachers (that one hurts too), curriculum, literature, movies, music, art, economics, public education, politics, shall I go on? If those aren't enough proof of societal racist tendencies in this country, don't know if you are willing to have real conversations about this. Growing up, I the small rural school system I attended had a very small percentage of black students/families. Mostly farmland, country folk = WHITE people. I can't recall any other ethnicity present in my k-12 experience. Even though I learned how to be a young white man in this country ("we run the show" mentality?), I enjoyed learning about other cultures, countries, heck even regions/cities in the US I enjoyed learning about. I wonder why God put that in me at a young age. I recall going to local festivals, church fairs, etc., and listening to a performer "Pixie Wales". That wasn't her real name, just her stage name. She was black. She had three sons I think - but when I was in middle/high school, only one of them was at home - JW we'll call him, and I would say that he and I were pretty good friends. We both liked football and sports. Not only would we go to see his mom perform on the regular, his father was also our family's insurance agent. I think that's how I met JW - back then you didn't get insurance online, you met with an agent - and in this situation we went to their house to handle this business. But those memories are distant and a bit fuzzy. He was a year younger than me, so maybe we didn't know each other in elementary school because of that. We would sleep over each other's house, go to fairs to see his mom, mostly I recall laughing at whatever stupid thing we were saying/doing. Joy. We experienced joy together in many situations. But I am ashamed to tell you that when I was a sophomore in HS - he was a freshman - we played together on the JV football team. I was one of the captains, and a center on offense, linebacker on defense. He was a backup quarterback, so we often 'took snaps' and worked together in the defensive backfield. Our pre-practice routine was finish school, get our equipment on, and then stand outside waiting for our coach to come out and start practice. Someone threw the ball out as if we were doing a fumble drill - practice jumping on the ball, curling up to protect it from your opponents. When that happened, I opened my mouth and said "n.... pile". This was a term that meant you jump on the guy with the ball - EVERYONE jump on him and squish the guy at the bottom of the pile. I learned this term growing up with my "friends". It was said/happened many times when someone dropped a ball, whatever. That day, JW was standing right next to me as we joked waiting for practice. When I said it, of course many whiteys jumped on the guy that got to the ball first. Not me. I saw JW's face. His eyes. Just looking at me. I could see the hurt I had just inflicted on my friend. My FRIEND. He didn't say a word. Nor did anyone else. He continued to look me in the eye, and slowly walked away from the group back into the school. I hope that JW knows I didn't even realize what I had said - that as a white male growing up in this culture, I was not educated on the word, I was not taught the truth about African Americans as a powerful group of human beings that God created for HIS purpose. I was not taught the truth about the constitution of the United States of America - that "all men are created equal". I was taught white people are more important, smarter, harder working, and so many other things - without a written curriculum with assessments. So JW, if you are reading this, I apologize. But I know that will never be enough. I can never take away the oppression of African Americans for hundreds of years. I can never switch the scales of injustice that continue to thrive in this country. I can never fully understand how the words and actions of white men perpetuate this oppression. I won't lie and tell you that word did not come out of my mouth after that event, it didn't.
I do know that God did call me to urban environments for over a decade now. I have learned so much about African Americans. Yesterday I described the "soul" of the black community is something I continue to learn about. Not just the music. Not just the food. The people. Incredible, hard-working, caring, compassionate people. And I continue to grow my affinity for black people and their "soul". If I had to choose between every day for the rest of my life with whites or blacks - JW and I would experience the joy of that soul. And it would fill my soul as well. White people can never understand the complexity of living as a black man or woman in this country. Never. However, as a friend and I discussed just this morning - our white kids are already on that road to stopping the injustices in so many ways. My 18 year old daughter has marched, stood on a corner with a sign as a way of standing up. When I was about her age, I was perpetuating oppression. Thank you God for breaking the chain that I used to hold tight to as a white male. I pray that each of us white folk continue to stand with our brothers and sisters and have real conversations about reality, and stand up to the white system that has perpetuated injustice since this country began. Pray with me. Please.
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