Life Token

I am truly amazed at something that God has changed in my life. I have been preparing to leave for India with Alli on our trip (t minus 28.5 hours) and one of the tasks we are asked to do is bring a life token with us that we will leave in India and give to God. I have known many of the people that have participated in this trip in the past, and have enjoyed learning about their life tokens and their experiences in going through this task. Attached is what I am taking as a life token (see photo).

I could not come up with an object that helps to communicate where I am and what I would like to express to God as thanks. But I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of months reflecting on what God has really done in my heart and in my life. I have been meeting my new year's resolution of reading my bible and journaling every day - and that has really allowed me an opportunity to think about what God is trying to teach me and where I am today. But if I take the time now to look at myself and who I was and how I lived 6 years ago, I was a good person. I went to church. I loved my wife and kids. I worked hard in my job and tried to treat people with kindness. And that's great. But the photo shows kind of an analogy of how I lived. I kind of smiled on all of the good things I mentioned. Life was good (and still is), but it was always me walking through life doing what I wanted. Sure, I paid attention to those around me. I spent some time engaging with God. But it was predominantly me going where I wanted to go, doing what I wanted to do, pursuing what I wanted to pursue. (And don't misunderstand me, I still do those things.) Occasionally, I would look back toward others - my wife, my friends, God, - to see if I was doing the right things, going in the right direction. But today in what I feel I might put into the 'big bucket' of life (job, marriage, people, kids, relationship with God)I feel as if God has taught me to not look back at His will, not to do what I want and then check once in a while with others to see if I am heading in the right direction. But I feel like God has taught me if I truly try to flip this point of view, if I can get to a point where I am trying not to lead the way, but to follow the way. Sure, I absolutely have to lead at times and make decisions and do things. No duh. But in the big bucket, I try to seek God's will in what I am doing, where I am going, who I am pouring into and serving, what relationships I need to develop, which ones I need to allow to fade away. A big piece of this has been my career. During our move to nyc, I feel like I set that piece of life in God's hands, and said "ok, God, what do you want me to do?" And in our small group last night, I reflected on the difficulty of doing that. There were some days that really sucked bad. I mean it was really bad. But I committed to trusting God in that. In allowing myself to lean on God and say "I can't do this." And that has been one of the most freeing things I have done in my life. Listen up lovers, that still sucked. Period. But there was comfort and peace in that. And today, I see just how incredible God's work is in giving me exactly what I have hoped for in my work. I feel like He has blessed me for trusting Him in those moments of suckness. And work is just one example. I find the same in my marriage. In where I live. In my relationship with my kids. In my relationships with people (particularly in this great city), and with family members. And the more I truly push into allowing God to guide me, the more I stop looking back at God and others to just do spot checks on where I am headed, but look forward to God in all things I am feeling, considering, trying to decide the right way to move forward, the more I realize the richness of life that I get to experience. Just as it says in John 10:10 - I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. My life token is leaving my old point of self-serving in the past. In committing to doing my best to look forward to see God out there in front of me and maintain that focus on Him and His will. To leave my will behind, and to look back once and a while to see the steps God has clearly allowed me to take in my path toward His will. I pray that leaving the old way behind continues to teach me. And I am thankful that His grace is new every day for me.