Yes, it is a go, and No, it's not easy.

So today, I got the word that 'we are moving forward' with this plan-that being me working in nyc next school year. It looks like I will help open a school with a principal that I have gotten to know over the last four months, and help her in any way that I can. I will get to be in the school for the first year as it opens, and potentially open my own school in the fall of 2010 in Brooklyn. Only God could come up with something this creative and this perfect. So today, as I sat in a parking lot in Brighton after processing all of this information, I found myself unabashedly praising God for this glorious gift. For the first time in my life, I truly gave up my career and sincerely asked God to put me where He wanted me, not where I wanted to be, or the job I wanted. After a year and a half of good times and bad, it is a go. Reality hits me hard with love reigning over me, and tears of joy realizing reality is today and here and now.

As I explored that emotionally, I wrote in my journal and came up with some incredible impressions of God's love for me. I sat in awe of the true reality of what has transpired in my heart and my mind and my soul over the last year. Some great highs, some great lows. And I wrote this:

Jesus.
Live in me. Now. Today.
Trust me with your love.
Your grace restores.
Listening, I hear you.
Trusting, I grow.
Love all around me.
In your eyes, I see.
Jesus.


And then I reflected on the hard road this year and a half has been. For me and the kkft, for team members brought to the edge of the cliff of following Jesus, only to have to leap off without friends and family members with them. I realized that things I thought were important in the past are no longer important to me. It is hard to look at things you used to think are important, and realize they mean nothing. To release your wallet. Your anger. Your pride. Your ability to parent. Your equity in your home you built with your dad that you never thought you would leave. Your family living five minutes away. A comfortable job in your safe community. Your dreams of retirement options. Your hope to pay for your child's college education. Your deeply rooted relationships with friends, family, neighbors, community, colleagues. Your selfish instincts. Your desire for 'stuff'. Your child's education, school, and their friends and playmates. The small group you love that has pushed and pulled you through good times, bad times, and ugly times. Your traditions throughout the entire year. Attempts to control the outcomes. To turn against things our society values and tells you are important. The relationship with your spouse. Your own selfish desires to instantly gratify and amuse yourself for the moment. To realize that the way of truly following Jesus is the hardest thing you will ever do--if you really mean it. I am thankful that Jesus continues to teach me what is really important, and I thank him for rescuing me from the madness of the world we live in. Yes, it's a go, and it's not easy.