Not ready yet

Well, I have certainly had a hard time completing week whatever in my quest for a 5k. This week is supposed to be three runs of 2.5 miles. Well, it has been a few weeks, and I did complete it twice now, but I can't seem to string three in a row. Which is kind of enlightening if you will bear with me for a moment. As I tried to run today the 2.5, I could only get over a mile in before I throttled down on the dreadmill and walked. Clearly, I was in a position of more than half way, and I quit. Which is kind of how I have felt this past week. Not ignoring God, but kind of saying to Him, 'Well, if you want this to happen then show me and I need x, y, and z to happen.'
**Suggestion to all-try not to tell the God of the universe that you'll do something IF.....**
So as I ran the second leg of my run that should have been part of the first leg, I repented for a few items. Personal things. Pride things. Inappropriate thoughts. I'm better than others things. And clear as day, God said "You're not ready yet."
This makes a lot of sense to me, and if you know the journey of the last 17 months, it should make a lot of sense to you. I couldn't keep up with the pace of nyc if I were a fat smoker that ate whatever and whenever he wanted. I couldn't keep up with the battle of good and evil in the city that never sleeps if I were to continue to read the bible when I expected something from God. I couldn't worship Jesus with my life if the only time I ever worshipped was when it was convenient for me. I couldn't build positive relationships with multiple constituencies if I continued to serve my own career desires in whiteyville. I would not understand urban education if I didn't have an opportunity to learn how to do it right from benzr, et. al.
And so I hope that today is the beginning of me being ready. I hope that today is the start of my readiness to serve Jesus instead of myself in all areas of my life. No problem, right? But if you read superstar recently, when you really submit, Jesus stands waiting to hold your hand and guide you in all you do. Please, Jesus, guide is to right, and guide us to your will for all areas of our life. I'm ready now.

Comments

Superstar said…
Gentlemen, start your engines....
February 4, 2009 at 5:20 PM
Mayes in Manhattan Blog said…
I heard someone say this week that they needed the adversity of the last year in order to be who they are today. I love be a friend an an observer of your journey. When you get here to NYC, neither of us will be truly be ready, but with Jesus we will be enough. The key is knowing that.

No more treadmill when you get here- we run on the streets!
February 5, 2009 at 5:56 PM
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