No Matter What

Another challenging week. Another overwhelming sense that things are not right in this world today. I feel that I am handling and dealing with the death of my mother quite well, at least as well as a 'normal' person should be able to. The word normal doesn't seem the same to me anymore. Death happens each day in this world. But when it is someone that has a profound effect on your world, normal changes. This weekend, I get to spend some time with my dad and be at their house. Normal is not the same in this house now, and don't take this as being sad or negative, it is just different. The way life is different forever now, the way my sense of normal has changed, the way odd things will bring rushing memories of my mom, or simply remind me of the fact she is not with us anymore. As I sat on the upper west side last week watching a play with pastor and cramden, the character had cancer. Thoughts of my mom's cancer. The character needed to be helped to a couch to recline. Thoughs of aiding my mom walking to her chair. It can't be explained except saying it seems awkward to be thinking of those things to me. Just not what used to be normal.
But as pastor encouraged me this week, as he always does, I know that I have not been spending time journalling and following Psalm 46:10 - 'Be still and know that I am the Lord'. So I am now happy to report that I am back in the swing of daily time to shut my mouth, my brain, and my heart and ask Jesus to speak into my heart, my mind, and my life and guide me in all that I do. And the phrase "No Matter What" is what He gives me this week. This phrase is common vernacular in our world as far as I can put it. So many applications you can put it into most any context. But the context God gave me was in times that don't make sense. In challenging times. In times where I question what the heck He is doing to me in my life. The times where I feel like He isn't listening to me or hearing my cries. This week, directly from my journal that I (DUH.) have renewed time in - He asks me this question: "Will you trust me?" And my lame answer is: 'Of course I will trust you.' His question: "In all that you do?" Me: 'Of course.' God: "No matter what?" Me: (Silence)

No matter what. It seems comical to me that I happen to be reading Job this month. Job loved God 'no matter what'. So I have to question my own heart and ask myself - will I trust God and love Him NO MATTER WHAT? And my humble answer is - of course.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said "With man this is imposible, but with GOD all things are possible."

love you lots tmp
November 14, 2010 at 8:14 AM
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