Holding Pattern

Well, certainly life is an interesting character.  I am amazed at all of the things that seem to be happening in this life that all of the sudden change directions, tacks, or whatever term you choose.  There are moments in life where I certainly lack clarity on what is real, true, or at moments even just happening.  There are moments where I feel that God through the Holy Spirit gives me complete and utter clarity.   At least I think that.  And then He changes direction on me.  Not necessarily a bad thing, just seems to happen.  And so it goes.  I think I know something.  I sense it to be true.  I pray about it, feel peace and clarity.  Move forward.  And doors close.  And the only thing I can do is praise Him for showing me the truth.  For closing the doors.  For listening to my stupid little pleas that must seem like such stupidity to Him in His Godly eyes looking over the world.  But this is the Love He has for me.  Nothing to Him is consequential, and He cares so deeply about my heart.  My dirty broken heart of flesh in this worldthat doesn't always make sense.  What this means to me this day, is that I need to continue to submit to His will.  To His love.  To his wonderful magnificent grace that I so do not deserve.  And to submit to him each moment of each day in each thing that happens in front of my eyes and ears.  To set myself aside and serve Him, the king who died for me so that I might have life to the full as He desires.  Not life to MY full, but to His.  And this is a different life than I desire.  I desire worldly things, comfort, pleasure, like a two year old yelling MINE! But these are all not of Him, not good, not kingdom focused, not loving, not graceful.  So I pray God as I stand in this holding pattern waiting to get your mighty clarity, that you would pour your love out on my and draw me to you.  To your love.  To your grace.  To your holding pattern, not mine. 

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