Bad Bad Not Good
It has been a month of quarantine officially now with the COVID pandemic. Here are some things that continue to resonate with my spirit as we settle into this way of doing things for yet another week. Nope. Two weeks. Nope. Months. Nope. Years. Ok, I pray that is not the case. But this can be an oppressive time for all of us. It can be bad bad not good. (Shout out to the band with that sweet name)
One - I thank God that I have incredible people in my life. Thank God for my wife that truly is a Superstar. If I didn't have you during this time period, I'm not sure I could do this. So thankful for my kids - and the extra time I get to spend with them while staying indoors. I have two beautiful, creative, intelligent, HILARIOUS girls that inspire me to great heights. I have a family that I know are dealing with the same things I am - and so very thankful to my brother and his wife for allowing us to quarantine with them for nearly a month in their beautiful place in Florida. Without that period of sunshine and wonderful weather, without the joy of being with each other in that beautiful place, without the opportunity to process both of our youngest girls' senior year in high school coming to an unexpected abrupt end - no spring musical, no graduation ceremony, no prom, no this no that.... - not sure where I would be mentally. Without my incredible friends that I have been blessed to be doing life with and had the opportunity to be colleagues with...just so very grateful for each one of these human beings. I can't tell you how many times a text, a call, a picture sent, a word of encouragement, or other similar things from key people in my life charged me to be who God created me to be.
Two - This. Is. Hard. Most people don't believe me when I say that I am an introvert - and a socially well-adapted one. People think I am an extrovert because I LOVE being with people, and I LOVE not being with people. But I am realizing how much I enjoy the social part of just being in the presence of others, even if we don't say or do anything. Even if the people are complete strangers. I realized I miss being in a store. A bar/restaurant. A crowd. People are so interesting and incredible, I have a strong desire to be around them just to experience the incredibleness. (yeah, i made that word up) And thankful that my Superstar has helped me to realize - it's ok to be sad about things and feel the weight of it all. That's not something I typically welcome, but continue to grow the embracing of the emotions. As I went for a run the other day, the emotions hit me (picture a wrecking ball smashing a gigantic wall down). As I looked out at the emerald coast, humanity suffering ran through my veins and fell out of my eyes and my mouth. Tears. Moans. Agonizing Fear. I literally said out loud: "I can't see" to God - as an expression of me not being able to see my colleagues, my friends and family, nor humanity itself. This quarantine is keeping me from what I long to do: Hear others; Know others; See them as God created them to be.
Three - Pay attention. I need to pay attention to myself - my needs, my motivators, my self-care, and stay at home is not the best avenue to meet those needs. We are no longer in the warm sunny weather, and this creates issues for me personally. When it is 75 degrees and I can simply walk outside in shorts and a T-shirt, or go for a nice jog, see the creation we get to live in, look at a tree, plant, body of water, building, anything, my battery gets charged. When it is 41 - feels like 32, even if it is sunny, I have ZERO motivation to go for a walk or run or look at anything. But when I am able to charge my batteries, I can then Pay Attention to those in my proximity and work to meet their needs and charge their batteries. To set my own desires aside and serve them. I feel that perhaps this number three, and the fact that not being out in humanity with some 'normalcy' to the world actually weighs on my soul and creates difficulty for me in living out my hopes and dreams - that I would be a light and salt to those around me. This. Is. Hard.
What to do? Fight. Fight the darkness that surrounds each one of us during this time. Fight the darkness the enemy has poured over the globe with this pandemic. Fight the urges to say screw it, it doesn't matter. Fight the "thief that comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) And why fight? Because the second part of that verse: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
One - I thank God that I have incredible people in my life. Thank God for my wife that truly is a Superstar. If I didn't have you during this time period, I'm not sure I could do this. So thankful for my kids - and the extra time I get to spend with them while staying indoors. I have two beautiful, creative, intelligent, HILARIOUS girls that inspire me to great heights. I have a family that I know are dealing with the same things I am - and so very thankful to my brother and his wife for allowing us to quarantine with them for nearly a month in their beautiful place in Florida. Without that period of sunshine and wonderful weather, without the joy of being with each other in that beautiful place, without the opportunity to process both of our youngest girls' senior year in high school coming to an unexpected abrupt end - no spring musical, no graduation ceremony, no prom, no this no that.... - not sure where I would be mentally. Without my incredible friends that I have been blessed to be doing life with and had the opportunity to be colleagues with...just so very grateful for each one of these human beings. I can't tell you how many times a text, a call, a picture sent, a word of encouragement, or other similar things from key people in my life charged me to be who God created me to be.
Two - This. Is. Hard. Most people don't believe me when I say that I am an introvert - and a socially well-adapted one. People think I am an extrovert because I LOVE being with people, and I LOVE not being with people. But I am realizing how much I enjoy the social part of just being in the presence of others, even if we don't say or do anything. Even if the people are complete strangers. I realized I miss being in a store. A bar/restaurant. A crowd. People are so interesting and incredible, I have a strong desire to be around them just to experience the incredibleness. (yeah, i made that word up) And thankful that my Superstar has helped me to realize - it's ok to be sad about things and feel the weight of it all. That's not something I typically welcome, but continue to grow the embracing of the emotions. As I went for a run the other day, the emotions hit me (picture a wrecking ball smashing a gigantic wall down). As I looked out at the emerald coast, humanity suffering ran through my veins and fell out of my eyes and my mouth. Tears. Moans. Agonizing Fear. I literally said out loud: "I can't see" to God - as an expression of me not being able to see my colleagues, my friends and family, nor humanity itself. This quarantine is keeping me from what I long to do: Hear others; Know others; See them as God created them to be.
Three - Pay attention. I need to pay attention to myself - my needs, my motivators, my self-care, and stay at home is not the best avenue to meet those needs. We are no longer in the warm sunny weather, and this creates issues for me personally. When it is 75 degrees and I can simply walk outside in shorts and a T-shirt, or go for a nice jog, see the creation we get to live in, look at a tree, plant, body of water, building, anything, my battery gets charged. When it is 41 - feels like 32, even if it is sunny, I have ZERO motivation to go for a walk or run or look at anything. But when I am able to charge my batteries, I can then Pay Attention to those in my proximity and work to meet their needs and charge their batteries. To set my own desires aside and serve them. I feel that perhaps this number three, and the fact that not being out in humanity with some 'normalcy' to the world actually weighs on my soul and creates difficulty for me in living out my hopes and dreams - that I would be a light and salt to those around me. This. Is. Hard.
What to do? Fight. Fight the darkness that surrounds each one of us during this time. Fight the darkness the enemy has poured over the globe with this pandemic. Fight the urges to say screw it, it doesn't matter. Fight the "thief that comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) And why fight? Because the second part of that verse: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
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