Shattered Dreams.

Well, official word came today that the position at a certain school in Brooklyn is not going to be an option. The board has some type of disagreement amongst themselves, and don't want to approve me, and have something bad happen with me at the helm, and then have someone do the 'I told you so'. I am trying not to be angry now. I am not perfect, but I can tell you that the board will most likely not find another candidate that will be as committed or hard working as I hoped to be for them. However, I do sense that perhaps God is saving me from some bad events in the future here. Although the school is nearly in my neighborhood, and although I have spent so much time and energy investigating the neighborhood, the community, and the like, perhaps there is somewhere else I need to be. I wish it would have been a simple process. One interview. No thank you, "NEXT." That could have happened in November, and I probably would not have as much heart invested into it. But four months later, the hope for me built in anticipation. Only to find out just today that it is not to be. I tried not to get too invested, but I love my work, and the excitement and anticipation did weave its way into my heart.
Now. What's next. I do trust in the Lord to guide my steps. But today, I'd be lying if I said this was easy. Questions abound. Where, then? With whom? Why? Wait again? Longer? Are you sure? My company would like me to interview with another board. Farther away. In Queens. Probably an hour commute one way (at least) to get to that school. Another company keeps calling me asking about my interest in their school. So many things it seems coming at me that I am unsure of. So I do my absolute best to put my trust in Him. Please, Lord, show me my steps. I can't see the path in front of me today. I don't know which way to turn. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Where I'm going. Cover me in hope today. Help me to trust you more in my uncertainty that I ever have. Listen to my heart and hear my cry for your justice and your patience in my heart. Show me my way. My dreams are shattered today. But I long for your presence more in my unclear journey. Show me your love and your patience. Help me to trust. More. Today. Tomorrow. Always. Jesus.

Comments

Anonymous said…
icarumba! What a difficult turn of events. So not the "happy ending" we all expect when following the Lord. However I believe your comment: and I probably would not have as much heart invested into it. Is a key to what wonderful things HE has been working in you. As we know God looks at the heart. And your heart has been busting with growth upward in ways unmeasurable.
Shattered dreams~Yes. left alone to pick up the pieces~never.

praying for you as He makes your path straight. Psalm 1


TMP
March 14, 2010 at 8:12 AM
K said…
Shattered dreams~Yes. left alone to pick up the pieces~never.

I could have never said it better than TMP!
March 14, 2010 at 9:23 AM
Morgan's Mom said…
Don't give up the dream or the heart and soul of the adventure T$. It is in this time of disappointment that He is building you up for bigger things to come. not easy never is but to trust that you are where you are suppose to be is the true test.

Best of luck and still praying for you and your family.
March 18, 2010 at 9:28 AM
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