Certain Uncertainty.

I suppose I am getting older.  I can't remember things anymore.  I don't remember what I have blogged and what I have not completely.  There are times I have a blog post topic, and then I never get to post it, but in my mind I think I had.  So bear with me as I get older.  Speaking of getting older, I tore my ACL in May.  Tweeked again in July.  Playing Ultimate Frisbee the first time, turning quickly the second.  I am not in my 20's anymore as my body reminds me periodically.  And that is ok.  I am enjoying getting older.  I really am.  The other night I got together with a couple of friends in the BKLY - friends I used to work a summer camp with - um, yeah - in 1992.  One of them I had literally not seen in over 20 years.  So back to the ACL.  Hocus Pocus you're off focus.  I have been happy to be in physical therapy for the last month.  I lost quite a bit of muscle in not using my knee after the injury.  So my PT has helped me to build the muscle back up.  I can clearly see/feel/experience the progress.  (By the by, superstar also tore a muscle in her calf in is currently in a boot - pretty sure PT to come for her also.  yes.  we are in our 40's thank you very much.)  And as I worked my knee on the leg press the other day, I thought about just how intricate that joint is - let alone the rest of the body around it.  The sinews and tendons and bones and ligaments and muscles and how they have to work together to be 'normal'.  Just as Colassions 2: 19 says: ..."the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow."  God continues to demonstrate to me through the physical just what is happening in the spiritual.  I am broken - just as my ligament tore - my spirit rips apart at times.  But the Holy Spirit is my ST - spiritual therapist.  He teaches me how to grow.  He guides my thinking when I make the effort to get to therapy.  Sometimes, that is quite painful.  Two weeks ago, I got an email from my supervisor from last year.  He affirmed me in my contributions to our team.  To specific projects.  He also pointed out what my bonus would be.  I have never gotten a bonus before, so it was an overwhelming blessing to me.  I couldn't even believe what I was reading.  I felt valued, appreciated for the work I had done over the last year.  It made me want to work even harder.  Not for the monetary reward, but because doing good work feels good inside - which I believe God has created inside of us - a desire to do good work for Him.  The next morning, I got a different call.  Your position has been eliminated.  Fortunately, AD and MH stood up and demonstrated their character.  They had confirmed to me that my position was solid through summer '13.  We have known the last few years that my position was not secure.  That we have learned to deal with and trust more each day in the Lord.  But this blow hurt.  The pieces of the puzzle didn't fit together.  Still don't.  But this is the way of the Lord.  To trust.  Without knowing what is to come.  Save eternal glory.  His glory.  So I still have a job.  That is good.  The rollar coaster the last two weeks has hit some enormous highs.  Those highs are moments where I know God is trustworthy and I resonate in His love and grace and peace.  The lows are when I try to determine the future without consulting His will.  For now, my superstar and I don't really know what this means for the future.  The rollar coaster has given us moments of clarity - we need to stay in this city.  Moments of certain uncertainty - now what?  But each day, we press into His word.  God, help us to know.  We know you are good. And you can make good out of all situations.  Teach us to serve you - and others - before ourselves.  Help us to believe in our misbelief.