Not my wheel

I stand on the train. My reflection shouts at me out of the pane of window on the last car. The city runs by me in its fervor. People hustle. Bustle. Stop moving. Run to the door. Up the hole they go out into this world. Radio360 rings in my ear. I love this music. It creates a picture in my mind that makes sense. It guides my thoughts among the stops. Dinner with pastor. My friend. My confidant. My witness. Jesus rides with me. But sometimes I grab the wheel. He doesn't like me when I choose to drive. My girlfriend holds up her torch of freedom and shouts at me all the more. Free choice. It's yours. Why don't you make the right one? Satan fools me. More people rush by. In an instant I wonder who this man is reflecting off the glass. I don't recognize the face. It seems to thin to be me. I don't recognize the wrinkles. Is there wisdom in this face? Is there a heart that leads these thought patterns? He doesn't like it when I grab the wheel. I listen. I pray. I ask forgiveness. He gives it to me. I don't deserve it. I love this city. But it is hard. It burns me sometimes, and there is no cure for the burn. My heart longs for the freedom I wish all could experience. I love the people. I love the accents. I hate the anger. I display the anger and question my own humanity. I love others without reason. They hate me in return. I offer the grace of Jesus. I watch the hate unfold. I hear the anger in voices unkempt. Jesus points my eyes to the vomiting drunk. He guides my hand to open the door. He hates when I grab the wheel. I walk along the streets that offer redemption. It is listening I desire. I listen. My funk unfolds. And I am alone. I miss my family. They are right next to me. My uncle shouts from a rooftop - sup? I bounce along my path. Immersed in iniquities. Jesus longs for me and I miss him. I miss my chance. To love others. He still loves me. Jesus. Unrelenting. Love. Within me. I long for more, yet my strength is gone. It hurts to feel. I experience the eternal joy in a moment. And the moment is gone. Stay with me Jesus. Guide me to keep my hands off the wheel.

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