This is Not Complete.

Once again, I have many things to blog about, but always say "oh, i need to blog this."  "Oh, I need to write about that."  Etcetera.  But driving in your car at least 10 hours a week seems to limit the production.  I know that I am not done learning what God wants me to know just now.  I know He is teaching me something.  It is such a challenge for me to hear people proclaim words, and then not live up to them.  And I am 169% certain that I have not lived up to other people's expectations and let them down.  I am trying more and more to own that.  I really wish I could not do that.  I recently posted on the Twitter that I struggle with showing others grace and love when they treat me wrong/without respect/as if I am an idiot/fill in the blank.  But this is precisely what I do to Christ Jesus throughout my days.  I treat him as if though he is nothing.  I don't listen to what God has taught me in my 44 years or so, and don't apply that learning in fine fashion.  I have been meeting with a friend as much as I can, and he pointed me to a phrase in the bible - "Take Heart."  And he said to me "what does that mean?"  It means that I should have the courage to stand up to all.  Without my agenda.  And that should be sufficient. 
I also feel that God continues to teach me that if I am truly following Him, the creator of the universe and all things good, that my will is not something He desires.  He desires that my 'taking heart' should mirror HIS HEART to the world.  This is a hard application for me.  I should take His heart, and apply that to all that I do.  Not get mad when someone treats me like crap, but to take His heart and apply it in that situation.  Tough to do in the fo realz world. 
Finally today, I know that I desire things of this world.  Not for this world, but of it.  And I continue to try to understand how to eliminate this pursuit from my life.  I am at a point where I do feel that God himself has challenged me to quit my job.  To perhaps leave education.  And I have no idea whatsoever what that means.  And it has been several months since I felt that message come to my heart and my spirit.  But today, just this moment, I completely trust that God will reveal to me in His perfect timing what that means.  As I shared with a friend today (divine intervention) - Jeremiah 29:11-13 reveals to all of us - He wants us to prosper.  And that is all that matters.  I am not complete in this moment, in this job, in this stage of what He is growing me to become.  But I will trust Him completely to continue to reveal to me what I am lacking in, what I should grow in, and how to take the next step on the water He is calling me to walk across.  This bridge is His, and it is perfect and complete, and I will continue to cross this bridge.  Daily.  This is Not Complete.

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