**Mustard Seed Distributed**

This last week certainly reminded me not only of the beauty of my mother, but the beauty of who my father is. I certainly would fight with anyone that is under the incorrect assumption that they have/had the best parents in the world because I win that argument every time. Sorry bout your luck. Watching my father care for my mother in her final days was also a thing of beauty. He shared more stories with us this last week than I have heard from him in a long long time. I am just like my dad in that area. People may be confused on who I am - most would thing that I am an extrovert. But I'm not. I'm actually more of an introvert, and that continues to be enhanced as I get older. Anywho-my dad doesn't always go out of his way to speak to others. He is often quiet. I recall superstar wondering when we first started dating if our family ever talked. But the last week, he shared beautiful stories of he and mom, of their dating, of their early days, of all the times th

It has been a week since the death of my mother. A week ago right now, I was going on 14 minutes of sleep knowing that my mom had made her transition to heaven. That day brought many emotions for certain. A lot of sadness and grief knowing that she was gone from this world. Sadness in knowing that I would never again hear the sweet sound of my mother's voice calling my name from somewhere off in the distance. Knowing that my children would no longer run from here to there shouting "GRANDMA!" as I have so many times seen them do with such joy in their hearts. Knowing that I would never again on this earth see Hon and Hon holding each other. Kissing. Making each other laugh. This doesn't seem like a moment to speak about the beauty of life, yet I can only find myself focusing the last few days on just that - the beauty of life. I can say with some certainty that I did experience one (if not the) of the most beautiful things I have ever had the pleasure of expe

This has been the hardest week of my life. And also the sweetest. So many emotions that it is difficult and challenging for me to wrap my head around what is happening at this point. There have been points of almost surreality, yes, I can say that word. There have been other points of spiritual clarity. Other points of overwhelming sorrow and grief. Watching your mother die is hard to do. But the hope I have in Jesus and knowing my mother is in heaven with Him forever is more comfort than words will ever explain. I am certain I will have so many things to blog about, but for today, this is all I can tell you. Yesterday as I ran, I felt like she spoke to me, and told me that she will always be with my dad. I had a vision of her sitting on the lap of Jesus with her beautiful little smirk. And then Jesus reminded me that He will always be with my dad also. And with me. It is an honor to share in the joy of who my mother was, and to celebrate the blessings she has brought to s

It is so hard to know with absolute certainty at times what the right thing to do is in tough situations. My mom is not doing so well with her health because of the cancer. She is in Michigan, I am in New York. It crushed me when my dad called me to tell me that hospice began yesterday and the doctor said we should just make her feel comfortable at this time. It didn't crush me, thankfully, that my mom was ill, I know and trust that God is with her, and when she dies, she will be with Him forever. That is something that gives me 'peace that transcends all understanding'. But it crushed me that my dad is losing his wife of 42 years. It crushed me that he must go through this kind of hurt, and I am not five miles away to come and comfort him. Both of his sons are in different states, and that must make it all the harder for him. I don't often hear him call me 'son', but as we spoke on the phone more times yesterday than we have in months, he called me 

It isn't so much fun being thrown under the bus. Particularly when you are not sure why someone pushed you under the bus. Today I struggle with the fact that other people in this world are not like me in certain ways. I am trying to understand God's hand in that, particularly when it seems to me logical and common sensical to go to a person you have a difference of opinion with. As I talked with superstar about this recently, she said something like: "Other people aren't like you in the fact that you will just go and talk to that person. Other people sometimes can't handle doing that face to face like you can." I'm not tooting my horn, I just don't get it when someone else has a problem and they don't come to you with it. They go to someone else, or worse, in a work situation to someone that supervises you. That doesn't even make sense to me. Just get over yourself and have the difficult conversation already. Then both of you can und

I will tell you that this year has brought one of the biggest challenges of my lifetime to my plate. Cancer is something that strikes so many people in this world. It is a devastating disease that can be debilitating, himiliating, and lethal. Last year, we watched our neighbor go through a bout with breast cancer. With a one year old, it was so hard to see her in pain, without energy, etc. But she is doing well after all of her treatments, and the smile on her beautiful face is joy to our hearts. But this year, it hit my mom. Peritanial cancer. I don't even know if that is how you spell it, to be honest. But it is not one that you can just treat, and have it disappear. But my mom is so brave, and so beautiful. It is so hard to live so many miles away from her and not be able to spend each day serving the loving mother that served each of us in our daily lives for all of our lives. Chemo has been tough, and there have been some hard days for her, and for all of us. But