Mine. Mine! MINE!

Why is it that when we have a want for something we act like we are three year olds shouting MINE!? Why is it so hard to be humble enough to just simply be in the moment and not be preoccupied with what it is WE want?

In my case, this 'job' that I thought I had come to nyc for has not been ratified yet. I always knew it wasn't for sure, but it looked very solid from all angles. Except for the fact that when it comes down to it, it is not secured yet. Why do I doubt? Because I have to wait a little longer? Because it didn't happen when I wanted it to happen, or when I thought it was going to happen? In my head, and on paper, January 1 was the date that I thought and it was stated this position would be announced/approved, however you want to say it. But not yet. February 5th. Not yet. I don't like the waiting. I don't like the fact that I thought something was going to happen, and it didn't. I don't like, I don't like, I don't like.

And then I look at myself in the mirror and ask: "How old are you, three?" Grow up. But that's hard to do. I did not complain a bit about uprooting and moving here. About giving up my job. My house. My friends. My family. So why am I having such a hard time with this one? Because I'm acting like I'm three?

Comments

Charlotte Kelly said…
God doesn't expect us to handle everything without any frustration or confusion or doubt. Look at the psalms, job, and many other books of the bible where believers call out to him in despair and anger and confusion and doubt and all the other true feelings. God needs to hear it all so he can be the one to bring you peace. He doesn't just say "grow up and deal with it". He is a loving father who cares deeply for your anxiety and he is there to comfort you while you are in it. Don't try to deal with it on your own, turn to him for comfort.
February 8, 2010 at 8:50 AM
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